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#27: Secret Keepers

Alright, to wrap up this 5 part episode series ALL things proposal - which we could go on about forever. Let’s chat about the planning part - and our secret keepers. Who to tell, or who NOT to tell. All about not giving away the surprise but getting the help or support you need.

Before we jump in if you need some help with the bling - whether to use an heirloom, buy a new one, where to even get started, etc jump back to episode #24: The Bling.

+ If you are truly starting from scratch, figuring out this proposal thing

And you are not even sure who you want to be there grab our free quiz download before you read on. To keep it super simple, we'll drop it at the end or you can snag it right here: FREE QUIZ.

On to the good stuff... A few years ago I helped (with my sisters of course) my brother with his and it was amazing. So fun - you can actually listen to her story on the mini-episode HERE.

So I completely understand the pressure of being one of the secret keepers.

He knew with her extroverted fun personality but also the value and importance of intimate moments he wanted a blend. So his biggest part to figure out was the logistics. He decided to plan it at “home” - 4 + hours from where they live, but also close to her and his sides of the family.

He figured out his budget, and told us what was most important to him (privacy/intimate romantic moment with food/desserts) and then a surprise party after.

Our cover? Mom’s birthday party (wahoo).

She’s smart so keeping this a surprise means having a distraction and cover. Like we’ve mentioned before the proposal I should be a surprise but NOT the engagement - which makes it that much harder to plan.

SO here’s what we did. - an SOS phone call. That was completely staged and planned out to even the time of day we called him so that they could not get the “SOS” figured out and still be early so to speak.

When they arrived the room was set with candle-lit room, table for two, with sweets drinks and rose petals. Meanwhile, me and my sister are crying secretly behind the bar/in the closet so that we could coordinate family arrival, decor, lit candles, etc WITHOUT them ever knowing we are there.

While he walked her outdoors to enjoy the sunset we kicked it into party mode. To give you an idea of what your secret keeper may need to be able to juggle and coordinate here's a look at the moving pieces we took care of.

  • Playlist duty (our sister totally rocked this)

  • Decor and floorplan set up

  • Food and drinks for everyone

  • Sneaking in family

  • Camera/Photo duty

  • Making sure everything went they way HE wanted (for the two of them). The most important.

If you are choosing a secret keeper:

  • Tell them your dos

  • Tell them your don’ts

  • Have a budget

  • Have the main details (time, place if you care and you’re guest list figured out)

  • Make sure they will respect your intan=mate private moment while also taking care of the moving pieces

  • Come up with code words/plans so that things go smoothly

  • Choose someone that will allow you to focus on the moment instead

Timing, and making sure you rock your proposal...

If you are planning an engagement this scale, especially from afar and with a guest list of people traveling to celebrate the moment we recommend a 2-month planning period - trust us, it REALLY helps.

Now tips - on how to make the secret proposal a success.

Who could be the secret keepers? Planners, photographers, pros, family, sisters, and besties are all fantastic options.

Here's the thing, if you’re the secret keeper:

  • be organized

  • Know what is important to them

  • Find out if / what the budget is

  • DON’T ruin it by blowing up their phone

  • Be a ghost

  • Be careful who you tell - it’s not your news/moment to share or ruin

Not the one proposing?

TELL YOUR SECRET KEEPER your wishes so if your significant other asks/talks to them they can share it, or help make it happen.

Don’t forget - here at behind the party we are all about solid open communication between you and your significant other and it is okay to have a positive, exciting conversation with them telling them what you would love or if you have a “must have”. Also though, remember to keep some grace - things go NOT as planned typically


This Episode was hosted by AMANDA

FREE QUIZ: Find your proposal style

Listen to the Episode HERE

​We’d love to dive deeper into your experience and how these questions helped you!

Email us at


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